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February 08 2018

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its ears are in front of its eyes, its brain is in backwards, its supposed to be a shorebird but lives in the woods and its wings whistle when it flies

truly a noble creature

I didn’t know about the thing with the ears or the brain, but apparently it’s true?????????

u bet ur bippy it is

also their beaks have an extra hinge, and they hunt worms via funky pelvic thrusting

woodcocks are the best and studying them in the field is a joy so long as you have a case of beer and a pair of warm socks

Woodcocks are what happens when you go to the “Create A Bird” screen and shove a bunch of the sliders to the very the most extreme positions.

It’s from Australia isn’t it

nah bro this bird bleeds red white and blue, its the american motherfucking woodcock

I got to be the first person to see one in Colorado! (or at least, the first to report it to the Audobon Society.  I knew them from Ohio but didn’t know they were new to the state.)  They sent me a subscription and a nice hoodie.




if i was a pirate captain i would get a movie projector and play a movie on the big sails every friday night for my boys to kick back and enjoy some time off unless we were under attack

Pirates legit did the 16-17th century equivalent of this. When things were slow, they would put on plays, act out dramas of stories they knew, or freestyle. The most preferred model of original productions was courtroom drama: “trying” each other for piracy. The “accused” would list off their many, dramatically and humorously embellished crimes, and be equally dramatically sentenced. Sometimes there was a daring escape, sometimes just a really maudlin death scene, but a good time was had by all.

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I shall never again accept bouquets of flowers

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this is hilarious

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Guess who saw The Shape of Water and loved it? °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

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my favorite goth girl is on screen again


a word to parents: if your child is scared of you, like actually straight up afraid of you, you’re an abuser. no way around it. 


keysmash composition

sksjjsksj- as if you placed your hand over your mouth and are trying to keep it down, but it’s so funny you can’t help but make a hissing kind of chuckle. ;; is common due to proximity.

bdfgdbd - imagine laughing so suddenly you spit out your drink. that’s what this is.

GDBDLSBD - gargling noise

fgsda - quick response, left hand middle row of the keyboard, indicates acknowledgment. gays mostly.

qowuytiypu - rare upper-row smash. unknown, yet infinite, implications.

DHKDHLDJGFIFK- just died in a video game.

asdfghjkl; - The Swipe. needs to express Something, but unwilling to actually smash. not unacceptable, but tactfully lazy.

all-over smash(pdnhsbfsxkoowkdndjznkix) - it’s too much to handle. your mind feels overwhelmed, and must truly smash. occasionally accompanied by ;; and ?? with rare number appearances.




if catholicism/christianity is fake… mary really was in that for the long haul. she pulled the longest con in existence & even got her kid in on it

mary’s friend gabriel who knocked her up: you told joseph i was a what now?

mary, taking a sip of her coffee: an angel, gabe. try to keep up.

joseph: what the hell, you’re pregnant?

mary, about to invent christianity: oh? you haven’t heard?

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this is a hell of a ride isnt it? this is a horror show


peter and wade are fighting side by side and when peter runs out of web fluid, he grabs a gun off wade’s belt and wade has this transcendent moment of i’m going to watch spiderman shoot my gun at a real live bad guy

but peter just fucking throws it at a bad guy’s face and knocks him out cold


I miss the 2000s because there were so many fashion trends and moments when it was encouraged to look like a hot-ass mess. The Instagram age is this weird era of control and perfection and “eyebrows on fleek” blah blah like I miss when everyone walked around with last night’s eyeliner still on while wearing 25 stupid accessories at once dressed like you slept in trash or whatever.

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The Statue of Libra…

A Mom Got Sick Of Seeing Short-Shorts For Girls, So She Started Her Own Line




“ Sharon Choksi, founder Girls Will Be, decided to do something about the lack of options for girls. She said the inspiration for her new line of clothing, came from her daughter and niece, Maya and Grace, who wanted to wear clothing that wasn’t frilly, “nothing with bows” and absolutely “NO sparkles.” They were interested in “climbing trees, building LEGO creations, and playing with cars and trucks,” Choksi said. “

from the above article:

She collected boys and girls clothes from 10 of the biggest retailers that were all meant for kids of around the same size and age and measured them. What she found was that the girls’ shirts were one to three inches thinner. The sleeves were shorter. And the girls’ shorts were barely a third of the length.

I know this was true when I was a kid, but it’s gotten a lot worse since then.

Looks like the girls shorts are completely sold out right now, but let’s hope this is a trend

HOLY SHIT YES. I’ve had SO many conversations about dress codes and stuff where people complain about how “skimpy” the clothes tween girls wear are, and I have to explain to them that those are their only options. There literally aren’t pants a tween/early teen girl can buy anywhere between capris and a 3-inch inseam. Shit, I’m 32 and wear a size 22/24 pants and I have trouble finding shorts that cover over half my thigh!


the knowledge that gay-coding villains is homophobic vs the reality of my gay ass absolutely enjoying the hell out of it: fight

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